Ringing in the New Year….. How depression and FEAR had taken over … learning to adapt and changing my perspective!

 

For years….and I am not sure why exactlring-in-the-new-yeary, the New Year was one of the most depressing times for me and I could not handle the midnight celebration that comes with New Year’s Eve.

When I was a kid….we would always go to my Aunt Kay’s house with lot and lots of munchies and tons of food …of course was one of the favorite parts of the evening.  As kids it was also a treat to hang out with the cousins and stay up past midnight and not get told that it is past our bedtime. Another great part of the evening was…the memories of my mom and her 5 sisters dancing together to the “oldies” music.  I absolutely loved watching them dance around as if they were young school girls again while giggling together.  Even today when that type of music is playing somewhere….I have those wonderful fond memories pop into my head.

My teen years….well we had a great night of food, games, memories, shared stories, songs and a message at church.  We were renting a local school gym and I can remember it as if it were yesterday…carrying all the chairs, tables, food and decor in and out for these events. memories as well.

Then during my college and career age ….I would hang out with my friends and have a get together at someone’s house and play games until the wee hours of the morning.tree-of-depression

When I became a mom and my hours and my husband’s hours at work changed……each year would be something different from year to year and what event we could attend.  I am not really sure where the depression for the New Year came from but I do remember it being such a rough time ….not being able to deal with it when it came on. I am not trying to make light of the depression but I am not going to dwell on it and or the details of this horrific time for me. It was a bad time but learning to move on is one thing I have had to do. I do believe FEAR and the ripple effect it can have over our lives played a big role in this for me.

My husband said one year when he saw me almost loose it…..while I was watgo-to-bedching the clock tick and turn towards midnight….”why not just go to bed”.  It was like an epiphany.  Why not just go to bed?  Why did I not just think of that. Just think I could go to bed and wake up the next day and keep going and not dwell on the fact that at 12:01 AM the new year arrived.

After doing this for several years….. (Of course he would sit up and watch the ball drop in NYC for himself), I adjusted back to “normal” or at lease my normal….. and was able to deal a little better with the whole New Year’s Eve thing.

This past year in 2016 ….was a year that I entered into feeling like it was going to a year of challenges, new beginnings, and a full year of events.  That it was!!!

God had prepped me for this in a small way by preparing my mind with these feelings noted above.  It was by far one of the toughest years for us.  It was the first year without my father-in-law on this earth. It was a full year of firsts for things at church, at my work, with my Autistic son with some of his new norms and a year full of many, many , many….seizures with my husband. It was probably the most challenging year in our almost 30 years of marriage.

As I reflect back…..I realize that when I wrote my first blog…..”Normal is a moving Target”, how true this statement is in my life. And how far in many areas of my life I have learned to adapt and have a fresh new perspective!

My families “normal” would not be normal to most.  I don’t think that I ever make plans that pan out in the way we even ever thought they would.  I am sure many of you also feel the same way.

john-15-7This year again New Year’s Eve came and went but with a different twist.  I have to say I am a BIG fan of Dave Boyer and he was in concert for New Year’s Eve where I work.  Just think of that…..I was able to work and see him in concert at the same time….oh boy did this bring back some childhood memories of the “oldies” and my mom and her sisters..  What a treat for us and then we headed home around 11 pm and you guessed it, “I went right to bed”, before midnight could set in.

The next day of course was New Year’s Day 2017.  I worked 7-3 that dafile_000-6y and when I got home my hubby said let’s go out and grab a bite to eat at the new local restaurant called the Mellow Mushroom. You might have one near you.  Well, what a great place….it is on my favorites list!!!.

Now I saved the best part of my story for last!!! That same day my hubby and had our devotions separately and both felt we were given a verse by the Lord.  Mine was John 15:7 and my husbands was I Timothy 3:15 -17.  As we were walking out of the house to head to dinner we were sharing this with each other.  As we walked towards the van the night sky was so full of stars…..so brightly lit like we have not seen in years since we were kids.  The North Star was actually twinkling and the moon seemed to shine right around it, as if it was talking to us.  We both looked up and at the same time…..spoke out loud the word “HOPE”.  Nothing mystical happened at the moment….but for us….we felt like the Lord was giving us that very moment in time of a clear chance to see HIS handiwork.  It was a little sign to us …..that this night’s evenings sky was just for us. It was a clear sign and direction for us to continue claiming our verses He gave us, and that this would be a year filled with hope.women-of-faith

We took that special moment in time, the 2 bible verses and a few other things that happened on that day and called it “the most encouraging New Year’s day that we have ever had”.

Happy New Year everyone….share your story of how you enjoyed your New Year’s Eve and or what the Lord has shown you already in this New Year of 2017.

Lynn Wilson – Resume of a Mother

 

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